the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
