Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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