The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
