the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize