kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
