He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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