I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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