i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
