I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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