Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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