so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
