My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found puke in my bra..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
