I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How does one acquire holy water?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
