My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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