i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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