fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
