the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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