I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
