420 ftw
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
