youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
