I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
