God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
