I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
