Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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