Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
not ubering you a puppy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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