The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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