I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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