is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They have beer where we have blood.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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