sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
