i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
this is an emotional support booty call
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
