i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize