i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
