if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
