between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
