doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize