Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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