Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
