Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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