Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
