So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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