you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
