The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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