think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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