I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
