i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
