so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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