i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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