Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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