If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
