Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
