so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
