I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
