and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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