I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize