hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Green mimosas i think yes
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
