you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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