O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
