Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You don't make any sense
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