that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
sarcasm needs its own font
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
