im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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