She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
