the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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