But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
