everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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