Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
