Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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