She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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