I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
