I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
