so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it hurts more in the daytime
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
