we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
