i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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