What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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