if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
