this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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