White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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