I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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